Desiderio domini

We joke about this song, but listening to it I’m kinda scared that it’s how I’ll end up being… Right now I have so many mixed emotions. Ever since being home I just have felt so uneasy about everything. Things are going good between us, and I’m scared of that. Because right now I don’t know what I want.

I’m so extremely pissed at you right now. I can’t let you walk all over me like this. It makes me so mad that you ignore me until it works for you and I just take it. I knew what i should of said, but just to not start stuff I didn’t. It’s like I really don’t want to see you at all because you’re straight up rude and self-fish. And the saddest thing is, I’m realizing how much college has changed our friendship and I wasn’t ready for it to.

Being in these spring classes actually makes me very annoyed, pissy, frustrated, crabby, and just gives me all these negative feelings. I feel stressed out constantly and I’m always in a bad mood. I feel like it’s high school again and I really hate it. 

I think the hardest thing is that I feel like I’m living two different lives… I have the home life, which before leaving for school I loved. But after being away for the year, that changed. I don’t hate it here, it just feels so different. I didn’t come back to what i expected. I wanted it to be like how it would when I left for college and it’s not. I’m still friends with everyone but the friend group isn’t how it used to be and I feel like I don’t have that stable group of friends that I always did. That’s what the hardest thing about being home is.

On a happier note Deanna’s birthday is Saturday and I’m super excited for it :D I love having a sister who is one of my best friends.